This page is about Narcissism, how to recognise it and how to break the cycle and be your authentic, sovereign self.

It is insidious.

You begin confident, happy, strong. You don’t even notice how it happens, because you are just hoping to avoid their temper tantrums, just trying to fix the problem that you anticipate will annoy them so much. They start shouting at you without ever seeming to stop. Their criticism of you cuts you deeply and because they say it over and over, you believe them.

You have already stopped trying to reason with them. Your tears make no difference to them. They tell you they are right and you are wrong, or stupid, or useless. And you try to appease them and make them like you.

You no longer see your friends and your family because they just don’t seem to want to spend any time with you, since they were on the receiving end of brash rudeness, insults that made them feel uncomfortable and sometimes threatened. You don’t have the energy anyway, because you’re exhausted, trying to keep up with everything you have to do in your own life and everything you find yourself doing for them.

And the fear that you have made a mistake, or got something wrong is huge. You do anything to avoid making a mistake or being wrong, because the consequences are so bad for you, like shouting at you, bullying you, making you feel tiny and worthless. Or threatening your job or reputation if you don’t do as they say, or behave as they demand.

These are typical examples of being in a narcissistic relationship, whether it’s a romantic partner, a  parent or someone who has authority over you, like your boss, client or work colleague.

You are so stressed, you seem to be on permanent alert to the slightest nuance in their body language, their words, the way they look at you - or don’t look at you. You start to feel a sinking feeling when they call you, or arrive. You find that they are there in your private space, demanding your attention. They interrupt your sentences, they tell you over and over that you are wrong and you don’t know what you’re talking about.

So much of your energy is taken up with pleasing them so they will like you, or so they won’t shout at you.  Your sense of self-worth (which has become so low) now depends on their opinion of you and how much you please or displease them.  Now their reaction to you validates you - or invalidates you.

You don’t notice when you stopped having your own opinions. You don’t notice that you are no longer confident. You don’t notice that you can’t remember the last time you followed your own dreams. You don’t notice that you don’t have your own wishes and dreams anymore. You don’t notice that you have become numb to your own needs, and instead you are on hyper alert for their needs..

If this is resonating with you, I am sorry that you have experienced this, or you are currently experiencing this. It is hard to become aware of, but once you do, it becomes possible  to break free from this destructive behaviour pattern.

Here are three absolute truths

Yes, you can break free of the cycle. The first step is opening your eyes to the narcissistic behaviour

You can’t reason with a narcissist - so don’t try to negotiate, reason or appeal to their better nature.  They don’t have a better nature!

From their perspective, they are right and everyone else is wrong

I put together this summary to help people. If you would like to book a session with me to help you in your healing journey, to find your own healthy boundaries, to remember who you truly are and to begin to shine your own light and be in your own sovereign power, please get in touch with me.